say the words “I’m bi” out loud

Growing up in the UP, in the 90s, was a very strange time to be bi. Mostly because I had no idea that bisexual was even a thing. 

I knew what gay was, I knew what straight was. But that hazy middle ground where I had a crush on boys and girls in my class left me very confused. 

It wasn’t until the late 90s when the verbiage of bisexuality had finally made its way to my little world. And it didn’t really clear up the confusion at all. 

Because while I finally had a name for what I felt, it came with the bi-phobia and erasure we still deal with today.

Was it a phase?

Was I actually gay but too scared to admit it?

Was I actually straight but trying to act out?

And by the time I finally figured out that I actually am just attracted to people based on who they are as individuals, regardless of their gender, I was in the military. And Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was very much still the law of the land. 

I slowly found my people, and quietly came out to them with mixed reactions. But each time I got to say the words “I’m bi” out loud, I knew in my heart that it was my truth and I took comfort in being able to live with integrity and honesty. 

Finally, at 25 I officially came out to my mom and the rest of the world. And I haven’t looked back since. I’m a passionate activist for the whole LGBTQ+ community, but I will especially stand on my anti-bi-erasure soapbox at the drop of a hat. 

Everyone who falls under the bi-pan umbrella has to deal with issues from both sides. We’re told we’re not queer enough for the LGBTQ+ community, particularly if we’re in relationships with partners of a different gender than us. Yet at the same time we’re not straight enough for the straight community.

We’re told we’re not trustworthy, people won’t date us because they’re worried we’ll cheat on them. Nevermind there is 0 evidence to support this idea.

We face higher levels of depression, anxiety, intimate partner violence, and yet at the same time we have the fewest resources allocated to our specific needs. 

But despite all of that, the bi/pan community continues to grow and fight for our place at the table. We make up the largest percentage of the queer community, and when I look at the representation available now..I feel a pang for what my younger self missed out on. 

I take great pride in getting to be a successful, proud, visible bi adult in my community. I am privileged to be able to find and promote positive bi-representation at my bookstore. And I hope that I can help even one person feel less alone just by getting to see themselves represented in the books and gifts that I stock. 

Hosting Lowell Pride this summer it was beautiful to see teens running around with their bi-pride flags. My heart burst with joy at seeing them embracing their truth so fully. And that’s what bi-pride month is all about.

A blog generously donated to us by Nicole Lintemuth <3

Nicole is the owner of Bettie's Pages, an indie bookstore located in Lowell, MI and is the President of Lowell Pride. Her greatest achievement to date is bringing an in-person Pride celebration to Lowell and working daily to create a more welcoming space in Lowell!